Sometimes I wear sunglasses while I urinate, and pretend that my pee is a solar laser beam that will cut through my pants and legs if a direct hit occurs. I'm sure glad I am only pretending though, because it wouldn't be fun to lose both my legs every day.

“A blanket could be used to offset things likely to set you off. When you start …”

“It’s your ass on the line. Grab it thinly.”

“When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets…”

“Love is the sound of footsteps behind you in a dark hallway. Why does it seem l…”