Sure, I’d fake my own death. But only if I had the following items: duct tape, seven slinkies, a parachute, and a mannequin that looked like me.

“A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make …”

“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot…”

“A blanket could be used to foil slave traders. But so could tinfoil and leftove…”

“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.”