Thanks to my grandpa, I can go to France and not be visiting Germany. He single-handedly won WWII (he only has one hand).

“This presidential election will be as electric as an eel—and just as snakelike.”

“When I go out to eat at restaurants, I don’t like chains. I prefer whips.”

“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot…”

“My eyesight isn’t what it didn’t use to be.”