The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.

“Some men might buy their wives stoves for their birthdays. But I’m not that sex…”

“Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a perso…”

“I can be a better friend, lover, and humanitarian, but I can’t be a better eggr…”

“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep c…”