The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.

“I have a memory like a baseball glove, so please, don’t toss me a basketball-si…”

“Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I …”

“I own a few yawns that I rent out to people who are tired of the sleazy snooze …”

“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own c…”