The dollar isn’t worth its weight in gold, and the pound isn’t worth its weight in ounces.

“I did a charity walk the other day. They asked for money, and I walked.”

“Is there relationship insurance? You know, in case someone steals your signific…”

“I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison sys…”

“If a man was choking, what would I do? Well, I’d remove my penis from his throa…”