The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.

“I’m wearing the costume of a customer, and it smells cheap. Can you pass me the…”

“If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.”

“I cried at the funeral. It wasn’t because I loved her, it was because I was the…”

“I worked for one day, and left with two days in my back pocket. I couldn’t stuf…”