The great news is I drive like a woman. The bad news is that it’s only when I’m wearing a dress.

“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if t…”

“I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.”

“Shit goes out, and dick goes in. This is the way of the prisoner.”

“A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a c…”