The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mo…”

“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April …”

“The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon me…”

“I’m trying to cover all my bases so I can be a complete baseball nonplayer. I’v…”