The lawyer said he couldn’t take my case, even though I assured him it was stuffed with money.

“My hands fell asleep, so I washed them with hot coffee. Then I had donuts for b…”

“I want to knit myself a skin-tight sweater, made out of human flesh.”

“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came…”

“I drove 30 miles to buy some breath mints before I realized I had some already …”