The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.

“I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.”

“I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which woul…”

“Day or night, I can’t see the wind. But at night, it feels like I can see it ev…”

“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my ne…”