The truth is I did try to stab him. I tried to stab him with a butter knife. Why? Because it seemed deadlier than trying to stab him with a melting stick of butter.

“With a last name like Elov, you’d probably have a mixed up love life.”

“It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequi…”

“A rubber band is attached to a lever. Pull on the lever to increase the tension…”

“Fornication: Do it for the kids. Just not at their birthday parties.”