The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.


“Wrinkles don’t signify old age, they signify a lack of ironing skills or a dear…”

“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished …”

“I want a Snuggle Sandwich—hold the pickle. Make it a combo and upsize it.”

“How much distance should there be between art and artist? I’d say no more than …”