There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look like masterpieces.

“I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a…”

“In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover,…”

“I like to spoon after I fork.”

“As a storyteller, I appreciate a great tale. As a cat lover, I appreciate a gre…”