There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.

“Tonight when she came down to the front desk she was wearing neon green hot pan…”

“Music can elevate man to new heights. Especially elevator music.”

“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my ha…”

“Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?”