There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—s…”

“I was so offended I wanted to light his face on fire. But I restrained myself, …”

“Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate).
 It tastes like love, only n…”

“My life outlook isn’t cloudy. That’s just the weather report for the rest of my…”