There’s always something to talk about, even if you talk about how there is nothing to talk about. Of course, I’m talking about love.

“Criminals should be hung like championship banners—proudly, and in an effort to…”

“I had dried jizz on my pants, so I took it to my dry cleaners. My pants got cle…”

“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the ligh…”

“Behind the door lies the question: Have you ever heard of a thing called knocki…”