There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.


“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered th…”

“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternit…”

“A zebra has stripes, the American flag has stripes, and I have an erection. Coi…”

“I have to put up a wall to put up with him. Not an invisible, metaphoric emotio…”