To be surrounded by sixty people who make your life miserable is to be at a family reunion. But to be surrounded by 600,000 people who make the whole world miserable is to live in Washington DC.

“A plan won’t fly without dedication, perseverance, or wings. A plane won’t fly …”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night…”

“I’ll stab you with a pointy thingy. Not a sword, a knife, or even a mountaintop…”

“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over…”