To forgive is Godly. To begrudge is manly. I don’t even have any chest hair, so you know where I stand.

“An elephant trunk is a metaphor for a penis. But not just any penis—my penis.”

“If it’s dangerous, then you go first. If it’s pleasurable, then I’ll be brave a…”

“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s…”

“I can only think of one good reason not to kill you: because if I killed you, I…”