To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rather actually be playing golf, or sitting on the green composing haikus about the landscaping.

“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the on…”

“I got my nails done today. I’m so glad that after 30 years, they’re finally fin…”

“She tried to insult me in front of the whole party. So what could I do but yawn…”

“I had a dream about your brain. I wish I could eat my dream.”