Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.

“I’m a person, you’re a person, and we should make love. That is, if you’re a pe…”

“Instead of putting a Band Aid on your cut finger, why not just amputate at the …”

“I yelled at my cat to knock it off, and sure enough, he did. And it broke.”

“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help…”