We can be anything we want to be in this life. And I’d like to be you. But there can’t be two of us, so I’m afraid you’ll have to be eliminated. You have become redundant.

“I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.”

“Just like trying to ice skate on two sticks of butter in the desert, my love fo…”

“I’d like to assess all the asses on the beach. By hand. I should try to get a s…”

“I wish there were a way to see through walls. Oh yeah, there is—windows.
”