What do you call 1,000 government employees with no mouths or legs? More efficient.

“I make love like a lump of cold oatmeal. I apologize if that mental image excit…”

“I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my th…”

“I tell people my name is “The Weather,” and that I understand how they don’t ha…”

“I’ll make Chad to you. By that I mean I’ll leave late and come early.”