What has four wooden legs and hangs out in a bar? If you answered a barstool, you’ve apparently never partied with a pack of pirates.

“I’ve always been a pretty open person, much like a 9-5 store at 6.”

“I dreamt it in my dream. You tried to steal my dream—the whole thing. But even …”

“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're p…”

“I’m into extreme sports. Well, just one—cuddling.”