When I couldn’t grow a full beard I took it as a sign from God to grow a mustache instead.

“A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't …”

“I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.”

“I was part of a focus group once, but to be honest, I couldn’t concentrate.”

“A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable repla…”