When I fake smile the corners of my mouth twitch from tiredness, then nervousness, as I wonder if anybody can see my mouth quivering and figure out that I’m faking my friendliness.

“A pen is a phallic symbol you can write with. But so is a cucumber dipped in ra…”

“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that …”

“Forget food for thought. Give me food for my belly.”

“I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mar…”