When I have to be in two places at once, my mind at once decides twice which one place to be in.

“I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car ac…”

“I like the New York Times. I only wish it were softer, and more like toilet pap…”

“I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are ou…”

“A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not intereste…”