When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks.


“If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because l…”

“The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.”

“A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your …”

“If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind…”