When I was growing up, I’d walk to school in the snow. In Florida. Uphill all three ways.

“A brick could be used to raise my spirits. I’m feeling low right now, low by ab…”

“Cats are like mushrooms, only you'll rarely ever hear me scream, "Get off my pi…”

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t aro…”

“It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, e…”