When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.

“A blanket could be used to stop a train. Another good thing to use would be bra…”

“The difference between noon and midnight is the same as the separation between …”

“I just got around to brushing my teeth today, and now my asshole smells minty f…”

“I won’t pick up your bad habits. They look heavy and I’ve got a bad back. Plus,…”