Without even washing my hands I can tell whether I peed or not.

“Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a…”

“I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.”

“Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed…”

“A lot of people like wife swapping. I've got such a great wife I would only swa…”