Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, you scream, we all scream for excrement.

“If you put a long-haired wig on and ask nicely, I might sit on your back and ri…”

“I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s…”

“Our romance lasted a few months. I was so deflated the day I lost my air pump a…”

“I’m a fancier. Not a pigeon fancier, but just fancier than you.”