Your food’s not getting cold. I’m keeping it warm in my stomach. Dinner’s on me tonight.

“I like to keep a shotgun in my room for protection. You know, just in case my a…”

“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was j…”

“A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and sin…”

“I am what I am, and I don’t need to prove it—least of all to myself. And I’ll b…”