You’re first place in my heart. And here’s a second-place ribbon from my third grade shuttle run to prove it. I’ve kept it all these years to remind myself that I’m a winner.

“If I ever meet Michael Phelps, I’m going to tell him that I am that Michael Phe…”

“I can be a better friend, lover, and humanitarian, but I can’t be a better eggr…”

“At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. …”

“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a…”