First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin

Tags: gallows-humor black-humor irreverent-humor



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The dumber people think you are, the most surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

William Clayton

Tags: killing black-humor



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Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead.

Chuck Palahniuk

Tags: horror trivia black-humor



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What would you think of an engineer who expounded the art of flying without revealing the secrets of the engine and propeller? That's what you do, you engineer of the human soul. Just that. You're a coward. You want the raisins out of my cake but you don't want the thorns of my roses. Haven't you too, little psychiatrist, been cracking silly jokes about me? Haven't you ridiculed me as "the prophet of bigger and better orgasms"? Have you never heard the whimpering of a young wife whose body has been desecrated by an impotent husband? Or the anguished cry of an adolescent bursting with unfulfilled love? Does your security still mean more to you than your patient? How long will you go on valuing your respectability above your medical mission? How long will you refuse to see that your pussyfooting procrastination is costing millions their lives?

Wilhelm Reich

Tags: fear inspirational ridicule black-humor



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Where were all the women gamblers? It wasn't as if being a woman wasn't a huge risk all by itself. Twenty-eight percent of female homocide victims were killed by husbands or lovers.

Which, come to think of it, was probably why there weren't any women gamblers. Living with men was enough of a gamble.

Jennifer Crusie

Tags: gambling black-humor



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That’s my girl,” she said, her eyes holding a shared pain as she saw my confusion. “Al, where are you going to put her? Not in your room. She’d pull a line through you and kill you when you hog the blankets. I’ll take the waif in. I promise I’ll bring this one up properly.

Kim Harrison

Tags: demons black-humor newt



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Don't live with writers. Writers are bastards.

Warren Ellis

Tags: black-humor



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I never got to see a proper striptease. Not anything even remotely close. I was stupid and went to literary cafés and spent my time on artistic nonsense instead. Now it is too late. I am old and blind. I must content myself with hearing the garments fall. I dictated this.

Tor Ulven

Tags: resignation black-humor wasted-youth



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His vital signs were taken, an electrocardiogram... which revealed occasional ventricular premature contractions. An intern took his history... and then he was promptly... simply... forgotten to death.

Paddy Chayefsky

Tags: apathy black-humor



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Jazz hadn't given her many details of exactly what life in the Dent house had been like, but he'd told her enough that she knew it wasn't hearts and flowers. Well, except for the occasional heart cut from a chest. And the kind of flowers you send to funerals.

Barry Lyga

Tags: black-humor



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