Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor intelligence calvin hobbes

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Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor calvin hobbes bad-sport

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Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!

Bill Watterson

Tags: life god calvin hobbes

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I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor calvin hobbes hiccup

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Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?

Bill Watterson

Tags: calvin

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Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor reflection calvin hobbes puddle

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I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

Bill Watterson

Tags: calvin hobbes

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For, to my mind, this is a certain principle, that nothing is here treated of but the visible form of the world. He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere.
(on commenting the text of Genesis 1:6)

John Calvin

Tags: astronomy calvin genesis appearance-language

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It would be the height of absurdity to label ignorance tempered by humility "faith"!
(Institutio III.2.3)

John Calvin

Tags: knowledge faith humility ignorance absurdity calvin

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I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor dessert calvin

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