Denial returned, like a nagging cough you can never quite shake. Actually, it was always close at hand, and even though "satanic ritual abuse" did describe what had happened to me when I was a child. the concept was so foreign and so horrific that some part of me still wanted to stay in denial.
Devil worship dominated my childhood. That was undeniable, even if it was still nearly impossible to contemplate. Both of my parents and any number of their friends, as well as "respected" members of our community, had worshipped Satan.
I pushed the notion aside with all the power I could muster. I kept thinking to myself that it was ridiculous and impossible.
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Tags: consciousness devil denial satan personality awareness presence dissociation child-abuse ritual-abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder horrific derealization satanic-ritual-abuse dissociative multiple-personality devil-worship
Did I imagine the castle, the dungeon, the ritual orgies and violations? Did Lucy, Billy, Samuel, Eliza, Shirley and Kato make it all up?
I went back to the industrial estate and found the castle. It was an old factory that had burned to the ground, but the charred ruins of the basement remained. I closed my eyes and could see the black candles, the dancing shadows, the inverted pentagram, the people chanting through hooded robes. I could see myself among other children being abused in ways that defy imagination. I have no doubt now that the cult of devil worshippers was nothing more than a ring of paedophiles, the satanic paraphernalia a cover for their true lusts: the innocent bodies of young children.
Tags: amnesia victim mental-health dissociation mental-illness trauma ritual-abuse sexual-abuse survivor abuse child-sexual-abuse dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder split-personality fragments fragmentation pedophile emotional-abuse physical-abuse satanic-ritual-abuse mpd dissociative alters child-sex-abuse devil-worship paedophile-ring alter-personalities paedophiles
Some alters are what Dr Ross describes in Multiple Personality Disorder as 'fragments'. which are 'relatively limited psychic states that express only one feeling, hold one memory, or carry out a limited task in the person's life. A fragment might be a frightened child who holds the memory of one particular abuse incident.' In complex multiples, Dr Ross continues, the 'personalities are relatively full-bodied, complete states capable of a range of emotions and behaviours.' The alters will have 'executive control some substantial amount of time over the person's life'. He stresses, and I repeat his emphasis, 'Complex MPD with over 15 alter personalities and complicated amnesia barriers are associated with 100 percent frequency of childhood physical, sexual and emotional abuse.' Did I imagine the castle, the dungeon, the ritual orgies and violations? Did Lucy, Billy, Samuel, Eliza, Shirley and Kato make it all up? I went back to the industrial estate and found the castle. It was an old factory that had burned to the ground, but the charred ruins of the basement remained. I closed my eyes and could see the black candles, the dancing shadows, the inverted pentagram, the people chanting through hooded robes. I could see myself among other children being abused in ways that defy imagination. I have no doubt now that the cult of devil worshippers was nothing more than a ring of paedophiles, the satanic paraphernalia a cover for their true lusts: the innocent bodies of young children.
Alice JamiesonTags: psychology memory amnesia psychiatry mental-health cult child-abuse multiple-personalities ritual-abuse sexual-abuse abuse child-sexual-abuse dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder fragments emotional-abuse physical-abuse satanic-ritual-abuse mpd alters child-rape devil-worship cover-up paedophile-ring paedophiles colin-ross complex-mpd orgies spit-personality
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