Somehow the disorder hooks into all kinds of fears and insecurities in many clinicians. The flamboyance of the multiple, her intelligence and ability to conceptualize the disorder, coupled with suicidal impulses of various orders of seriousness, all seem to mask for many therapists the underlying pain, dependency, and need that are very much part of the process. In many ways, a professional dealing with a multiple in crisis is in the same position as a parent dealing with a two-year-old or with an adolescent's acting-out behavior. (236)
Lynn I. WilsonTags: psychiatry psychotherapy mental-health-stigma dissociative-identity-disorder mental-health-professionals multiple-personality-disorder psychiatric-abuse
Throughout our times with Christopher [therapist] we were encouraged to work together at communicating on the inside. He pointed out that it would be good for us all to listen-in when an alter was telling his/her story - that it's now safe, no harm will come to us from telling or from knowing. There was once a time when it was very important that we didn't know what had happened; that knowing meant danger or being so overwhelmed with pain and grief that we wouldn't survive. But now it was different. We're safe and strong, and our goal now are to uncover the grisly truth of what's happened to us, so that it's no longer a powerful secret. We can look at it and face the past for what it is - old memories of old events. Today is now,and we can choose to live a different way and believe different things. We were once powerless and vulnerable, but now we were in a position to make choices. We had control over our life.
Carolyn BramhallTags: secrets memories mental-health therapy dissociation abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder childhood-abuse mpd therapy-for-rape-victims
I was increasingly both horrified and sceptical about these memories - I had no recall of these things at all, though I couldn't imagine why I'd want to make it all up either. It felt as though it had all happened to somebody else, I was not there - it wasn't me - when those people did nasty things.
But then, of course, it didn't feel like me, that's the whole point of dissociation - to create distance between the victim and her experience of the abuse. The alters were created for just that purpose: so that I'd not be aware that it happened to me, but rather to "others". The trouble is, in reality it was my body that took the abuse. It was only my mind that was divided, and sooner or later the amnesic barriers were bound to come down.
And that's exactly what had begun to happen as I heard their stories. They triggered a vague and growing sense in me that this really is my story.
Tags: secrets memories amnesia dissociation ritual-abuse abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder amnesiac childhood-abuse satanic-ritual-abuse mpd
It was soon after that I, overwhelmed with the implications of that memory, overdosed - well, somebody did but as it was my mouth and my stomach that was involved I had to take the consequences. Somehow or other (did an alter ring him?) Bruce (from my support group) got to know, drove over and took us to the hospital.
Carolyn BramhallTags: suicide mental-health suicide-attempt dissociation hospital multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder overdose mpd
it felt increasingly, as I became more whole, that I had made it all up, and that I was a phoney. I had to come to some place of acceptance. If I made it all up, then I am an unspeakably evil person, leading so many wonderful, intelligent people astray. What a scheming mind I must have. I knowledge will be hard too live with. But harder still is the thought that perhaps, just perhaps it is all true; that I really was horribly, ritualistically abused in a satanic setting, over and over again and as a result my mind fragmented. The implications of that are completely overwhelming. It was me, my body, that they did those things to. No, I would rather believe I am an evil and deceitful person. At least the I can change, and say sorry, and live a better life from now on.
Carolyn BramhallTags: memories crime dissociation satanic ritual-abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder trauma-experiences trauma-therapy satanic-ritual-abuse sra mpd
It is now recognised that dissociation is a way of forgetting, for a time. The mind siphons off the bad memories into a separate part, and reclaiming those hidden-away memories us a complex process. So, when the memories resurface it does not feel as though they belong to you, it feels alien, more as if someone had told them to you, or you had seen the images in a film.
Carolyn BramhallTags: memories crime dissociation satanic multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder trauma-experiences trauma-therapy mpd derealisation
Each alter personality had a common goal and raison d'etre, namely my survival. They didn't all realize that though, and so were at odds with each other much of the time. So I continued to be fragmented and divided.
Carolyn BramhallTags: dissociation multiple-personalities multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder mpd
It's one thing to have your partner tell you he or she has multiple personalities, and it's another to walk in on your partner and find him or her sitting on the bedroom floor, speaking in a child like voice, having a tea party with stuffed animals.
Tracy AldermanTags: dissociation multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder trauma-experiences mpd multipple-personality-disorder
Jenny couldn't believe herself a multiple. She was a mother, a nurse, not that screwball who appeared on the screen like some dysfunctional figment of her imagination trying to find a life. Still, she was coming to a realization that accepting who she was would be the jailer's key to liberate her from this cuckoo's nest.
Judy ByingtonTags: dissociation multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder trauma-experiences mpd multipple-personality-disorder self-stigma
Secret ceremonies in which malevolent men and women cloaked in hooded robes, hiding behind painted faces and chanting demonic incantations while inflicting sadistic wounds on innocent children lying on makeshift alters, or tied to inverted crosses, sounds like the stuff of which B-grade horror movies are made. Some think amoral religious cults only populate the world of Rosemary's Baby, but don't exist in real life.
Or, do they? Ask Jenny Hill.
Tags: secret secrets rape crime dissociation cult satanic trauma ritual-abuse multiplicity sadism human-sacrifice sadistic dissociative-identity-disorder trauma-experiences childhood-abuse satanic-ritual-abuse mpd multipple-personality-disorder
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