I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberatorsthey fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What's to be ashamed of?

Barbra Streisand

Tags: hilarious



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What are you doing sister? / Killing swine.

William Shakespeare

Tags: hilarious said-by-a-witch-in-macbeth



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It me birthday and nobody came...Bigfoot decide do something nice for self for big day and sneak in they house at night and pick out own present and blow out flickering candle of life in they brains. Make a wish, jerks.

Graham Roumieu

Tags: humor hilarious bigfoot cryptids roumieu



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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

John Oliver

Tags: hilarious comedian



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Besides my great fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.

James Patterson

Tags: hilarious



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Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

C.S. Lewis

Tags: hilarious accurate



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so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

Brian Regan

Tags: humor man hilarious pig manslaughter



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Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

Chuck Palahniuk

Tags: funny witty hilarious



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She's in the Catskill," Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "Ouch!"
I just wanted to distract you," Scathach explained. "Don't even think about Black Annis. There are some names that should never be spoken aloud."
That like saying don't think of elephants, Josh said, "and then all you can think about is elephants."
Then let me give you something else to think about," Scathach said softly. "There are two police officers in the window staring at us. Don't look," she added urgently.
Too late. Josh turned to look and whatever crossed his face--shock, horror, guilt or fear--bought both officers racing into the cafe, one pulling his automatic from its holster, the other speaking urgently into his radio as he drew his baton.

Michael Scott

Tags: elephants funny shadow hilarious cafe



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Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence.

Debi Gliori

Tags: humor funny hilarious gross



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