Whoever had said in the guidebooks that the bum bag was a sensible device against theft had lied; no single item of dressware ever invented cried out "mug me" more than a pouch of zip-up plastic suspended by your groin.
Kate GriffinTags: humor the-midnight-mayor bum-bag fanny-pack kate-griffin
Always be polite to possible murderers: that was the twenty-four-hour-shopping philosophy.
Kate GriffinTags: shopping the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but paranoia was what tied it up in a sack and buried it in wet concrete.
Kate GriffinTags: curiosity the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
Paranoia seems more reasonable when you've got twelve stitches in your side.
Kate GriffinTags: paranoia the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
The whole calamity would be in one of those police reports that D. B. Sinclair and his "concerned citizens" filed carefully under "T" for "Things" at the back of a locked filing cabinet in the vehicle-licensing centre a day before a bonfire got accidentally out of control.
Kate GriffinTags: the-midnight-mayor matthew-swift kate-griffin
But it's not healthy!” replied the Hag. “A mortal and a god sharing the same flesh?”
“You know, this isn't why we're here. I can get abuse pretty much wherever.”
“Yeah,” sighed the Maid, “but I bet a tenner I can make you cry in half a minute.
Tags: mother the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin hag maiden
I looked at Judith. "This sounds strange, but I don't suppose you saw three mad women with a cauldron of boiling tea pass by this way?"
"No," she replied. The polite voice of reasonable people scared of exciting the madman.
"Flash of light? Puff of smoke? Erm..." I tried to find a polite way of describing the symptoms of spontaneous teleportation without using the dreaded "teleportation" word. I failed. I slumped back into the sand. What kind of mystic kept a spatial vortex at the bottom of their cauldrons of tea anyway?
Tags: humor tea teleportation the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
Men don't ask other men if they're getting home OK, they just assume that beneath the frail, weak exterior lurks a muscle-building kung fu master fearless of ever being mugged.
Kate GriffinTags: humor men the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
When last I checked, you were a sorcerer, not a Jedi."
"You've seen Star Wars?"
"Seen it and denounced it."
"You've denounced Star Wars?"
She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Hollywood should not glorify witches."
"I think you've missed the point..."
"I also denounce Harry Potter."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Because..."
"...because literature, especially children's literature, should not glorify witches."
"Oda, what do you do for fun?"
She thought about it, then said, without a jot of humor, "I denounce things.
Tags: harry-potter star-wars the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin denouncing
The majority of the employees here are civilians," explained my Alderman guide/protector/companion/would-be-executioner as we strode without a word to the security guards through the foyer towards the lifts. "They conduct themselves within perfectly standard financial services and regulations. There is one specialist suboperational department catering to the financing of more...unusual extra-capital ventures, and the executive assets who operate it have to undergo a rigorous level of training, psyche evaluation, personality assessment, and team operational analyses."
We stared at him, and said, "We barely understood the little words."
"No," he replied, "I didn't think you would.
Tags: the-midnight-mayor matthew-swift kate-griffin aldermen
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