An oncology ward is a battlefield, and there are definite hierarchies of command. The patients, they're the ones doing the tour of duty. The doctors breeze in and out like conquering heroes, but they need to read your child's chart to remember where they've left off from the previous visit. It is the nurses who are the seasoned sergeants -- the ones who are there when your baby is shaking with such a high fever she needs to be bathed in ice, the ones who can teach you how to flush a central venous catheter, or suggest which patient floor might still have Popsicles left to be stolen, or tell you which dry cleaners know how to remove the stains of blood and chemotherapies from clothing. The nurses know the name of your daughter's stuffed walrus and show her how to make tissue paper flowers to twine around her IV stand. The doctors may be mapping out the war games, but it is the nurses who make the conflict bearable.
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You can make it dark, but I can't make it light.
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Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same fault lines.
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You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need anyone else.
I need you, she replied.
Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip.
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Clearly God was in some kind of mood on my birthday.
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A woman isn't all that different from a bonfire. A fire's a beautiful thing, right? Something you can't take your eyes off, when it's burning. If you can keep it contained, it'll throw light and heat for you. It's only when it gets out of control that you have to go on the offensive.
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As she gets sicker, she fades a little more, until I am afraid one day I will wake up and not be able to see her at all.
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I sometimes wonder if it's just me, or if there are other women who figure out where they're supposed to be by going nowhere.
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I find myself staring at the goldfish. Bright as a penny, he swims in circles, happy to be going nowhere.
Jodi PicoultTags: jodi-picoult my-sister-s-keeper sara-fitzgerald
For the first time in my life I begin to understand how a parent my hit a child--it's because you can look into their eyes and see a reflection of yourself that you wish you hadn't.
Jodi PicoultTags: jodi-picoult my-sister-s-keeper sara-fitzgerald
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