Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse occult ritual-abuse sexual-abuse crowley satanism therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society change law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse victims ritual-abuse sexual-abuse satanism therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse ritual-abuse sexual-abuse satanism private-eye therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
When sleep came, I would dream bad dreams. Not the baby and the big man with a cigarette-lighter dream. Another dream. The castle dream.
A little girl of about six who looks -like me, but isn’t me, is happy as she steps out of the car with her daddy. They enter the castle and go down the steps to the dungeon where people move like shadows in the glow of burning candles. There are carpets and funny pictures on the walls. Some of the people wear hoods and robes. Sometimes they chant in droning voices that make the little girl afraid. There are other children, some of them without any clothes on. There is an altar like the altar in nearby St Mildred’s Church. The children take turns lying on that altar so the people, mostly men, but a few women, can kiss and lick their private parts. The daddy holds the hand of the little girl tightly. She looks up at him and he smiles. The little girl likes going out with her daddy.
I did want to tell Dr Purvis these dreams but I didn’t want her to think I was crazy, and so kept them to myself. The psychiatrist was wiser than I appreciated at the time; sixteen-year-olds imagine they are cleverer than they really are. Dr Purvis knew I had suffered psychological damage as a child, that’s why she kept making a fresh appointment week after week. But I was unable to give her the tools and clues to find out exactly what had happened.
Tags: cooking horror crazy torture victim castle mental-health therapy terror dissociation psychotherapist psychological ritual-abuse sexual-abuse survivor dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder therapist out-of-body derealization dissociative paedophile-ring pedophiles
Having DID is, for many people, a very lonely thing. If this book reaches some people whose experiences resonate with mine and gives them a sense that they aren't alone, that there is hope, then I will have achieved one of my goals.
A sad fact is that people with DID spend an average of almost seven years in the mental health system before being properly diagnosed and receiving the specific help they need. During that repeatedly misdiagnosed and incorrectly treated, simply because clinicians fail to recognize the symptoms. If this book provides practicing and future clinicians certain insight into DID, then I will have accomplished another goal.
Clinicians, and all others whose lives are touched by DID, need to grasp the fundamentally illusive nature of memory, because memory, or the lack of it, is an integral component of this condition. Our minds are stock pots which are continuously fed ingredients from many cooks: parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors, teachers, schoolmates, strangers, acquaintances, radio, television, movies, and books. These are the fixings of learning and memory, which are stirred with a spoon that changes form over time as it is shaped by our experiences. In this incredibly amorphous neurological stew, it is impossible for all memories to be exact.
But even as we accept the complex of impressionistic nature of memory, it is equally essential to recognize that people who experience persistent and intrusive memories that disrupt their sense of well-being and ability to function, have some real basis distress, regardless of the degree of clarity or feasibility of their recollections.
We must understand that those who experience abuse as children, and particularly those who experience incest, almost invariably suffer from a profound sense of guilt and shame that is not meliorated merely by unearthing memories or focusing on the content of traumatic material. It is not enough to just remember. Nor is achieving a sense of wholeness and peace necessarily accomplished by either placing blame on others or by forgiving those we perceive as having wronged us. It is achieved through understanding, acceptance, and reinvention of the self.
Tags: psychology memory mental-health dissociation mental-illness child-abuse trauma survivor abuse mental-health-stigma child-sexual-abuse incest dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder diagnosis psychiatric abusive-parents did pedophiles child-range
Janna knew - Rikki knew — and I knew, too — that becoming Dr Cameron West wouldn't make me feel a damn bit better about myself than I did about being Citizen West. Citizen West, Citizen Kane, Sugar Ray Robinson, Robinson Crusoe, Robinson miso, miso soup, black bean soup, black sticky soup, black sticky me. Yeah. Inside I was still a fetid and festering corpse covered in sticky blackness, still mired in putrid shame and scorching self-hatred. I could write an 86-page essay comparing the features of Borderline Personality Disorder with those of Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I barely knew what day it was, or even what month, never knew where the car was parked when Dusty would come out of the grocery store, couldn't look in the mirror for fear of what—or whom—I'd see.
~ Dr Cameron West describes living with DID whilst studying to be a psychologist.
Tags: self-esteem psychology shame memory mental-health dissociation mental-illness child-abuse multiple-personalities trauma survivor abuse mental-health-stigma child-sexual-abuse incest dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder split-personality psychologist diagnosis self-blame survivor-of-abuse psychiatric abusive-parents did pedophiles child-range
Mum was pregnant, then there was Sharron. [...]
I wanted to keep him away from her - but for the wrong reasons. In my head he was mine, he was my special person but, of course, as I was getting older, his interest in me was waning anyway. I don't know whether it was because he had lost interest in me, or because the abuse elsewhere was so horrific, particularly without him in my life to make things seem better but, whatever the reason, I soon moved from wanted him to leave Sharron alone for my sake, to wanting him to leave her alone for the right reasons. She was tiny, just a toddler, and the thought of him touching her or abusing her horrified me. I started trying to attract his attention whenever he looked at her. I'd dance, I'd sing, I'd sit on his lap. I'd do a hundred things that were completely out of character - anything, anything to avoid seeing that look in his eye when he glanced at the baby.
I knew that he was planing to do to her what he had done to me. I tried to get in the way, I tried to get him to play with me, but once Sharron was about three, the penny finally dropped. I had always thought he wasn't in the same category as the others; they weren't nice, and he always was. But as she began to replace me, it made me face up to things. What Uncle Andrew did wasn't right. [...]
Even though I loved my uncle, and craved his attention, the thought of him coming into my bed was starting to repulse me. sharron slept in my bed, too, by then, and I wanted that to continue because I wanted to protect her.
Of course, there were plenty of times when I wasn't there. I was still being taken away to be abused. I was at school; Sharon was often left unprotected. Something must have been happening because she started wetting the bed almost every night. This was a sign that even I couldn't turn away from. Sharon was being abused. I was sure of it. But I wouldn't stand for it, not for much longer.
p209-2010
Tags: fear silence secrets denial society-denial survivors child-abuse victims child-sexual-abuse incest paedophile organised-abuse organized-abuse paedophile-ring pedophiles child-sex-ring silencing-children
the abuser's desire to abuse is not created by the child - it is there before the child appears
Carolyn AinscoughTags: shame desire blame child-abuse abuse child-sexual-abuse pedophiles sexual-abse
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