Whether Hindus or Greeks, Egyptians or Japanese, Chinese, Sumerians, or ancient Americans -- or even Romans, the most "modern" among people of antiquity -- they all placed the Golden Age, the Age of Truth, the rule of Kronos or of Ra or of any other gods on earth -- the glorious beginning of the slow, downward unfurling of history, whatever name it be given -- far behind them in the past.
Savitri DeviOur problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
Rick RiordanTags: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.
I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun—I’m afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.
Tags: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.
Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d
met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top
of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.
“Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?”
“Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!”
The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed
at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.
I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.
Tags: sun humour funny destruction survive snake earthquakes funny-and-random riots riordan tornado sadie-kane tsunamis ra floods carter-kane serpent rebellious giant-snake
We stepped back and looked at the king of the gods, slumped in his chair snoring, and cradling his crook like a teddy bear. I placed the war flail across his lap, hoping it might make a difference—maybe complete his powers or something. No such luck.
"Sick weasels," Ra muttered.
"Behold," Sadie said bitterly. "the glorious Ra.
Hello Ra," he said in a kindly voice. "It's been a long time."
A feeble voice from behind the chair said,"Can't play. Go away."
"would you like a treat?" Apophis asked. "we used to play so nicely together. Every night, trying to kill each other. Don't you remember?"
Ra poked his head above the throne. "Treat?"
"How about a stuffed date?" Apophis pulled one out of the air. "You used to love stuffed dates, didn't you? All you have to do is come out and let me devour— I mean entertain you."
" Want a cookie," Ra said.
"What kind?"
"Weasel cookie."
I'm here to tell you, that comment about weasel cookies probably saved the known universe.
Tags: carter ra apophis weasel-cookies
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