If things go wrong, I'll lead them away. Once it's clear, get back to the car. If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a very brave and heroic death. Oh and don't touch the radio--I've got it tuned right where I want it and I don't want you messing that up.
Derek LandyTags: pleasant radio heroic skulduggery
Scapegrace leaped up. “I am the Killer Supreme! I make
murder into an art form!”
Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirl
before falling.
Tags: skulduggery twirl killer-supreme scapegrace
Do you think we’ll be waiting long?” Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
“The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor,” Skulduggery said. “Yes, I think
we’ll be waiting long.
Tags: waiting traitor skulduggery
I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered.
“You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in
a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world,” Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m fairly certain that makes you a weapon.”
“I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.”
“I’ll buy you a stick for Christmas.
Tags: humour christmas weapon stick skulduggery
Don’t kill me,” he sobbed as he lay there. “Oh God, please don’t kill me.”
“If you had let me finish,” Skulduggery said, slightly annoyed, “you would have heard me say, ‘Come out, we’re not
going to hurt you’. Idiot.”
“He probably wouldn’t have said idiot,” Valkyrie told the sobbing man. “We’re trying our best to be nice.”
The man blinked through his tears, and looked up.
“You’re... You’re not going to kill me?”
“No, we’re not,” Valkyrie said gently, “so long as you wipe your nose right now.
Tags: idiot nice skulduggery mortal-coil
I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.
Derek LandyTags: happy skulduggery inspector-me
You've done what?"
"I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me.
Tags: humour funny skulduggery kingdom-of-the-wicked valykrie
I should go in alone," Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. "If we both go in, it'll look to official."
"So I'll just stay out here?" Skulduggery asked. "But what'll I do? There's no one to talk to. It's boring."
"You're standing on the roof of a train," Valkyrie pointed out. "If you find this boring, you really need your head examined. Just wait here. I'll do what has to be done and I'll be find out.
"Fine," he said, sounding grumpy. "Don't be long.
Tags: funny skulduggery
The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.
Derek LandyTags: funny pleasant skulduggery
He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm.
Tags: funny skulduggery skulduggery-pleasant
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