My scalp tingled like Christmas candy on a cold tongue.

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How strange and rare it was to see the top of a girl's ear. I reached out to touch her, but my hand flew back from a spark of static electricity.

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Don't you miss it?" I'd ask Aidan. "All that Hollywood sunshine?"

"It's like hating the color yellow," she'd say, "and living in a golden age.

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The idea of getting high on someone else's dime sounded like the right and necessary medicine.

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Even in all that darkness I could see her beauty. Still, I couldn't claim it for myself. Instead, I decided to hurt her.

"You loved someone," I said, "who was completely inappropriate.

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That night on the Swan we'd promised each other that we'd have some sort of romance. Something unprecedented. "We don't have to be like other people," she'd said, and I'd believed her.

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Everyone at Bellingham would know me, know who I was, by dinner. Would they consider me the hero or the fuckup? All I had wanted was to be anonymous.

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In the weeks between my father's visit and Cal's death, I hurt my friend in ways that frightened me.

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Bellingham Academy: everything you always wanted in a prep school and less.

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I explained that guys hazed one another, that it was harmless, that it would ultimately lead to a lifelong bond. "They're war buddies," I said, confident that I knew what I was talking about.

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