10% ago I was 90% unsure of what I didn’t want to do. Now I’m just 33.3% sure that I’m 66.6% unsure. And I can say this with .1% certainty.

“If it’s been more than 24 hours, you call the cops and I’ll buy the flowers. I’…”

“When I was a little boy, say 17 months old, I lived in the forest. I was raised…”

“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to…”

“Mustaches are not only fashion statements, but they’re useful for tickling vagi…”