A bat isn’t a bird isn’t a middle finger.

“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream.…”

“I am excited to report that I may have gotten a job as an elevator attendant. I…”

“A blanket could be used to say hello to a friend I haven’t spoken to in forever…”

“To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I…”