A blanket could be used to sell two-legged tables to one-legged men. This very same blanket could also teach them some Latin—specifically the phrase “Caveat Emptor.”


“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.”

“I’m a model citizen. Mostly I model underwear.”

“I’ll write something that’s 111% true. It’ll be so true that it’ll be 100% fals…”

“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with he…”