A brick could be used in place of a diamond on a wedding ring. Your wife's probably going to divorce you and take the house anyway, so you might as well give her the first brick.


“A blanket could be used as a cat. Wait, I have that backwards. A cat could be u…”

“I'm proud to be a Mick, even though I'm not Irish
 My middle name is Mickey, th…”

“I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmo…”

“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a…”